There Are So Many Things To Be Happy About. {Here Are Mine.}

I recently took a look at the big picture of my life. The main thing I noticed? There’s a lot to be happy about. I zoomed out from looking at the minutiae of everyday life + those details that weigh me down from seeing the big picture–it was such a good lesson to recognize the amazing treasures that exist in my world.

I would love to say that recognizing the parts of my life that I am happy about, makes me feel accomplished and whole: but ah, the contrary, my friend. There is so much more I want to do. Taking inventory reminds me that life is short and my list is long! But this sort of checking in is a necessary exercise in declaring small victories along the way.

Celebrating what is rather than what’s not, builds momentum.

Recognizing the joy as it happens makes it easier for me to acknowledge those wonderful moments of joy when they happen again.

Here are some of the things I’m happy about (maybe you can relate these happy spots to your life, too):

I have some amazing family and friends in my life. My connections are strong and that’s a vital and necessary component for me; it is where my happiness stems from. My mom was a positive thinker and she passed that along to me (thank god!) So when the chips are down, I lean in to my tribe and they gracefully hold me until I’m ready to give it another go.

I am a healthy, able-bodied woman. I workout about 5 times a week. I went through a spell of some tough luck with my health–one of the rough times was when I had to have surgery half way around the world. After returning home, I was bedridden for a couple of months. Yes, months. It was a big fat wake up call to appreciate the power of my body and to always nurture it in some way. I have never taken my health for granted since.

I have all of my basic needs met. I don’t struggle with feeding or clothing myself; I lead a simple lifestyle, but one that affords me fun and relaxation. I learned long ago that experiences and people make me happy, not things. Because of this, I am able to focus on moments rather than chasing after a car or designer bag or whatever.

I have deep stirring desires + goals I want to accomplish. I am motivated by my art and the people I share it with; I am head over heels in love and look forward to creating a family of my own; I find writing on this blog to be such a freeing process; I am inspired by the process of life and all of the changes we go through along the way. All of these things get me out of bed, make me keep trying and learning in my everyday life.

Inspiration is an amazing motivator.

After my stroll down appreciation lane, I realized this: I am happy by choice. My life is far from perfect–I have gone through some disastrous times in my life just like everyone else. I lost my mother at a fairly young age, I had a brush with death in India and I’ve endured some heartaches and all around crappy times. But you know what? Through it all, I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel because nothing lasts forever. Knowing that the good stuff was right around the corner was enough to get me through.

As a result, I give myself the permission to be happy. I am committed to seeing the bright side in any situation. There is no more self-deprication to make others feel better (that doesn’t work anyway) or looking for the ‘catch’ when it seems too good (sometimes it’s just a good thing!) Part of being happy is accepting those magical moments of life when they happen and enjoying them to the fullest. I choose to look at life through rose colored glasses and it’s made all the difference.

What are you happy about these days? Make a list of 5 things and stick them on your bathroom mirror for the next week so you see them as you start and end your day. You are sure to view your life in a different light when you focus on what is working.

There Are So Many Things To Be Happy About. {Here Are Mine.}Steph2018-03-29T20:23:19-04:00

Time Flies. {Things I Do When Life Is Not Slowing Down.}

I remember when I was little, my dad used to talk about the phenomenon of getting older; that as you age, your life seems to move faster. I finally understand what he means.

It feels like I’m just getting started, just really settling into my skin and who I am; I’m hopeful that the 40s really are the new 20s. There are so many things I still want to do, my bucket list is filled to the brim and everyday something new is added with urgency. I guess I’m feeling the tenderness of life lately which I find oddly comforting–I’m feeling my mortality but I’m not scared. I understand time flies and I need to embrace it.

But then on the other hand, it can feel overwhelming to look at the big picture. All of those things to accomplish! When I do get caught in the paralysis by analysis trap, I get frustrated about not being exactly where I want to be in life. Can you relate?

If I take a step back and look at the past year, I realize I am always moving forward even if it doesn’t feel like it. Step by step, each action has built on the other to bring me where I am today. I have grown in ways this year that make me really proud and this recognition alone is an accomplishment.

I’ve come to accept that wanting more out of life is just part of the human condition.

And this yearning, the curiosity, is what really gives my life richness and meaning.

So instead of hitting the panic button when life is passing at a break neck speed, I try to remember a few things to keep it all in perspective:

Life happens in moments. There are very few lightning bolts in an average life span; appreciating the small moments are the key to my happiness.
Give myself a little more credit. Although I want things to happen now! now! now! When I stop trying to climb Mount Everest in a day, I can take some micro steps to get closer to my goals. Inch by inch.
A lot can happen in a year. I went from college girl to working girl in a year. I went from single girl to finding the love of my life in a year. I went from a corporate drone to an entrepreneur in a year. It all happens over time, yet looking back , it can seem to happen in a flash.
Keep looking forward. Even though living in the moment is crucial to my happiness, I know that making plans also helps me get ready for that next growth spurt. The key for me is to be flexible.
Play my theme song. Right now, it’s this one. There’s something about that song that’s fun, uplifting and puts me in a good mood. My theme song serves as my anthem to get me motivated, happy and focused.
Pay attention. I pay attention to my movements, actions, thoughts and the way I look at things. When I really focus on what I want, and act as if it’s coming, it usually comes easily and fast. It really does work!

So what are you thinking about today that can bloom over the next year?

Time Flies. {Things I Do When Life Is Not Slowing Down.}Steph2018-03-29T20:23:19-04:00

My Resolution Revolt. {And What I’m Embracing Instead.}

I’ve finally realized that resolutions are not my thing. In the past, I’ve tried to make them a big part of starting each year by writing them down and proclaiming them to the world, but all it does is stress me out. All of that public declaring is exhausting. The expectations from myself (and others) feel overwhelming and suffocating–it takes the joy out of new beginnings.

Another reason making a resolution isn’t for me is because it demands huge blocks of change. I’ve noticed in my life that when I have created true lasting change, it’s always been from small, micro-movements. I work better in small spurts of adjustments than I do in huge over-hauling chunks.

The small movements ease me into transition and keep my momentum going. Implementing those small chunks fosters my growth and I avoid overwhelm in the process (most of the time). When I follow my heart, my life is easier.

So this year, I’m not making any resolutions, but instead, I am committing to a specific feeling:

This is the year of following my gut.

cherry blossom corner I find when I really tune into my inner wisdom and my natural compass, things always work out better. To others, it may look like I’m going against the flow or acting foolish, but tuning in to my intuition always brings me to the place I need to be. It helps me override that competitive monkey mind and tap in to listen to what my heart is calling out for.

In a way, letting go of resolutions is about letting go of expectations.

Following my gut stops me from being distracted by shiny objects or comparing myself to others and it helps me focus on my unique path. It reminds me that everyone has their own journey and that it’s ok to walk to my own song. Different is what makes us beautiful; honoring that is the best way to become more myself.

Following our instincts is about following the flow of ease and enjoying the ride. It’s about using the solution that works best, even when it will ruffle a few feathers.

Do you want to create your own gut-following journey? Here are a few signals I use that show me I am moving in the right direction, maybe they will help you too:

When I trust my intuition and tune in, decisions are full of ease. As a result, I have a peaceful outlook.
It’s a feeling of relief knowing that only I can know what’s best for me, even when it looks foreign to others.
Following my gut gives me confidence as I get to know myself and my needs better. It builds me up.
My intuition allows me to settle in to who I am. Asserting my needs can be scary, but my gut gives me guidance and assurance along the way.
It feels joyful to know that my inner wisdom tells me what I need to know. I don’t have to guess or worry.

As we begin a new year, I hope this simple idea will help you find a feeling of your own to follow. And I hope it brings you joy and peace in the process.

My Resolution Revolt. {And What I’m Embracing Instead.}Steph2018-03-29T20:23:19-04:00

Link Love + A Confirmation

Wow, it’s been a busy week or so… Thanksgiving and all that. SO much food, SO many conversations, it’s good we have a little breather before the next holiday! Here’s a peek into what’s been happening: First was my niece’s confirmation. I swoon over this little lady (really, both of my nieces–check out the pink tu-tu skirt on little G!) E totally beamed on her day–she went through the ritual with grace and ease. She’s so beautiful inside and out ♡

Next up was a concert to see Chris Cornell at the Count Basie Theater. This guy has a voice like an angel! It’s pitch perfect and goes through you like sunshine.

Aaaaand my challenge… I couldn’t resist including it. Lauren and I wanted to inspire YOU to show us how you’re loving your life.

It’s easy to get caught up in the compaint spiral, especially around the holidays, but we want to hear about what’s awesome and what you’re loving! We want to see happiness in action and how the world is a better place when you’re enjoying it–show us your view!

Link Love

Some of my favorite links around the web this week:

Martha Beck is a wise soul. Here is her take on how to approach difficulties in life.

You know you’re living in the tech age when this word outranks all others.

Russell Brand believes it’s time for a spiritual revolution.

Science proves cuddling is a drug. (It’s a good thing.)

Forget romantic wooing–why it’s smart to court your friends.

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Link Love + A ConfirmationSteph2018-03-29T20:23:20-04:00

Testing Your Limits vs. Honoring Them. {What Bootcamp Taught Me.}

Last week I was coerced by the manager of my gym to try a new group workout; it was a bootcamp of sorts but with less people and it was run by a personal trainer. My workout routine is pretty predictable, so trying this class was a wild departure for me.

Just to set the record straight–I love a good workout. I love to sweat out the day’s stress and feel that physical tiredness. So, even though I wanted to be excited for my adventurous workout choice, my internal dialogue sounded like this: “This is a bad idea, I don’t do well in these classes! I’ll feel so uncoordinated and awkward, I’m probably going to hurt myself”.

That wasn’t a proud moment for me–I was taking on a new challenge and I was immediately admitting defeat. I think it was because deep down I knew what was coming–I’ve peered through the window at those classes and I’ve seen things they do in them. I knew that I would try too hard and push beyond what I knew was good for me, just to prove I could.

So on the night of the class, I walked into the room and saw hanging contraptions, weights, those dreaded jump boxes, and overall pain inflicting items; I panicked.

True to my expectations, within the first 5 minutes of class, we were doing deep squats with a 20 pound bar. Next, we started rotating in pull ups (oh my GOD!) It was my own private hell but I wanted to be brave, so I dug in.

There’s a difference between challenging your comfort zone and honoring your limits–only you know what that is.

As I awkwardly trudged through my third pull up, I pulled a muscle in my neck that ran down to my upper back. That inner voice came roaring in saying, “I knew this was going to happen!” Part of me wanted to be tough and stick it out. I wanted to show them (and myself) that I could do new things, that I too, could be tough like them. But I I had to stop–I was in so much pain that I couldn’t turn my head.

I was so annoyed for ignoring what I knew to be true: that my body and mind don’t do well with these kind of workouts.

It was then that I realized the only person I was trying to prove something to, was myself. No one else cared if I did the squats or the pull-ups; the other participants didn’t even flinch when I walked out the door, they were too busy focusing on themselves.

The experience was a good reminder of the difference between challenging myself (which comes in a gentle nudge or whisper, with feelings of excitement) and pushing beyond my limits (which shows up as tightness, nervous mind talk and thoughts of worst-case-scenarios.)

We listen to our inner voice to gauge danger; it protects us in times of need–and never trusting that inner navigation creates anxiety and fear because it takes away comfort and stability. Other times, we try new things to test our limits because it’s important for growth. If we aren’t open to new experiences, we become stagnant and stuck. Only you can determine when it’s a good time to test your limits and when it’s time to honor them.

The key is to strike a balance between the two. You may discover the balance in a boot camp class, but you won’t see me there.

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Testing Your Limits vs. Honoring Them. {What Bootcamp Taught Me.}Steph2018-03-29T20:23:21-04:00

The Warts of Worry. {And How You Can Avoid Them.}

I have a confession to make: I am a recovered worrier. I used to fret about things I couldn’t control, things I could control, even things that didn’t concern me. Can you relate?

Then one day in college, I missed half of a HUGE presentation for my senior project: I overslept my alarm (hello worst scenario, ever!) I arrived in the classroom a panicked and disheveled mess thinking: how will I ever fix this? It turns out over-sleeping the presentation inspired my group members to get creative, and in the end we got an A- for the project and our improvisational skills.

I realized that the stuff I worried about? It rarely happened. And when it did come to pass? It always seemed to work out, especially with options I never even considered. So why was I worrying when it was getting me nowhere?These are some of the thoughts that now keep me off worry control and help me move forward:

:: Don’t make worrying a sport; it’s often such a familiar and habitual behavior that we don’t even realize we’re doing it. Consider other options: If you are always in the worst-possible-scenario mindset, you can’t be open to the other great possibilities that could arise.

:: That projection of what might happen holds you emotionally hostage. You’re not a better friend, partner or parent if you worry more. Are you feeling concerned about someone? Worry dissipates when we give attention and love to the situation. Let them know, send them good vibes, come up with helpful solutions. Churning over ‘what if’ scenarios isn’t helpful to anyone. Take action to improve the situation.

:: Pay attention to what is happening in your life. Worrying can be a place to escape–check in with yourself and claim responsibility for what you’re avoiding. The fallacy of worry is that it’s productive, but all it does is rob us of peace. Make an effort to move forward by leaving the past and future where they are.

:: Having faith can provide great relief from worry. Nature, God, Buddha, whatever your dharma is, know that you are being divinely guided.

Action cures worry.

Next time you start wringing those hands and your mind begins to race with possible harrowing scenarios, make a choice to either do something to quell your anxiety or let go of what you can’t control. Understand that these fluctuations are just the ebb and flow of this beautiful life. How can you ride the wave?

That senior project cemented for me that worrying was a waste of time because we can’t possibly know or understand all of the outcomes that are possible. And I’m thankful for that.

What would your life be like if you worried less and acted more?

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The Warts of Worry. {And How You Can Avoid Them.}Steph2018-03-29T20:23:22-04:00

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