The Secret to Happiness: Let Go Of These 5 Lame Beliefs. {Part 1}

As much as we try to deny it, we all have those stories about our life that we tell over and over again. (I know I do!) A lot of the time, those stories are of pain and heartache; they can feel so heavy sometimes. We’re hoping that talking about it over and over will change the outcome, or things will just feel different the more we tell them. It’s the wishful thinking that some magical solution will appear when we aren’t looking.

Telling the stories over and over doesn’t make them go away; in fact it does quite the opposite. This type of thinking holds us back. It delays our happiness; it reinforces the struggle and keeps those feelings alive and thriving in our mind. Thankfully, there is a solution to this emotional merry-go-round, and it’s not as hard as you think.

What is it time to let it go of?

Let go of the idea that you’re going to get it together. We’re constantly changing beings. Nothing stays the same, that’s the beauty of stretching limits and growing in life. The sooner you accept that you’re always going to have to make adjustments in your life and it won’t be wrapped in a pretty bow, the happier you’ll be.

Let go of needing someone or something to fix you. That house, car, partner or kid is not going to make you feel like the person you always thought you were. Things don’t make you happy, experiences do. Stop chasing satisfaction from the outside and find that rich inner life that you want to explore.

Let go of people or things you’ve outgrown. It’s hard to let go of friends or objects that you’ve had forever but if they are not contributing to your growth and happiness, they are holding you back. Have the courage to let them go so they can find someone else that they will thrill and excite.

Let go of being seduced by the struggle. Don’t buy into the idea that everything takes hard work to happen. It’s true, life is full of challenges, but sometimes the most beautiful things happen easily and effortlessly. Life can often be quite easy when you let it; don’t question that gift from the universe.

Let go of the hurt. “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die” (Buddha) We’re all tender, vulnerable beings and we get hurt everyday in some way. Letting go and letting lightness back in will make you a stronger, more compassionate person.

Take a deep breath.

Make some space for yourself by letting go.

The universe will reward your courage.

The Secret to Happiness: Let Go Of These 5 Lame Beliefs. {Part 1}Steph2018-03-29T20:23:24-04:00

Want to get inspired? {Feel your way through it.}

As a kid, I would walk up and down the craft aisles of various stores and get this welling up feeling in my chest. I loved markers and different textured papers (still do!) I loved the different kinds of pens and how they felt in my hand. I loved collage and mod podge and the smell of glue. What I came to realize is that this is what it felt like when I was being inspired.

Being inspired (or ‘in spirit’ as it literally means) feels like a calling. It can be something as simple as cooking a fantastic meal for yourself, helping your kid learn something new, or trying a new style of exercise. Inspiration is the fuel that moves you forward. Figuring out your inspirational muse can be tricky at times, but it’s so important to your ultimate happiness.

Because if you’re not living an inspired life, what are you doing?

When you’re inspired, you’re tapping into that well of magic that provides motivation, excitement and insight into the unfolding of what you love. You may not be able to knock it out of the park everyday, but there will be an automatic zing to your step if you keep some basic things in mind:

Keep it simple. Don’t complicate your life when you don’t have to. Keeping the basics in mind will help you appreciate the amazing things that living a simple life can bring. That well can spring some seriously inspiring moments because you’re not bogged down with a lot of distractions and static noise.

Cultivate an attitude of gratitude: when you are grateful, it’s easy to get inspired. Seeing someone in a wheelchair can kickstart that fitness regimen you’ve been meaning to try. Hearing about an untimely death can motivate you to pursue the opportunities that are in front of you right now.

Everyday is a clean slate. Each day is a chance to start over and let go of those silly grudges. When you change your attitude and your outlook, the things around you change as well because you’re seeing them through new eyes.

You become what you think about. What are the thoughts that constantly run through your head? Are you always worried or angry or scared? (That’s not a great way to project an inspired state.) Start thinking about things you love and what makes you feel good; love is the ultimate inspiration.

Date yourself. Alone time is crucial to cultivating a life you are inspired by because reflection provides perspective and space for ‘aha’ moments. Set up a weekly date when you can explore your interests and motivational thoughts. And give yourself the gift of making this time non-negotiable.

Live right now. Life can get very complicated when we’re living too far in the future or in the past. Why drag yesterday’s junk into the present moment? Living now frees you to just be where you are. I know it’s easier said than done, but viewing life from the rear view mirror or trying to predict the future can cause a lot of unnecessary angst and worry. And no one can feel inspired from that state.

You know you’re inspired when you get that light, elated feeling (I usually feel it in my chest.) What inspires you these days? How does it feel to you?

Want to get inspired? {Feel your way through it.}Steph2018-12-28T14:26:28-05:00

5 Simple Steps to get what you want from life. {Lunch is optional}

Each year before school started, my mom used to take me and my sister to a ‘goal setting luncheon’. We would get all dressed up, go somewhere fancy and talk about our intentions for the upcoming year. This entailed us pouring our hearts out and writing down our deepest wishes and yearnings; it was exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

It wasn’t until later in life that I realized that others may view this as an offbeat (odd?) thing to do with your mom, especially as a 12 year old. But to me, it was one of my favorite days of the year–a fun lunch, hanging with my peeps and getting special attention from my mom. It was something that I looked forward to because it helped me get clear about where I was going.

And clarity feels good, no matter what age you are.

What I didn’t realize at the time, is that she was helping me design my life. She wanted me to intentionally construct where I wanted to go rather than just let life happen to me. She was showing me I was the artist of my own life. And if no one else ever told you, you’re an artist too. All you need is a vision and a desire to follow through on it.

Here are 5 simple steps to bring out your inner artist and get what you want from life:

1. Pick a target. Get clear about exactly what it is that you are moving towards and start making moves towards it, no matter how small those moves may be. Some people hesitate doing this because they don’t feel confident about what they choose. Don’t worry about getting it perfect the first time out–you can always change your mind. Just trust your gut,and get moving; you can change direction later if you need to.

2. Be your own cheerleader. The universe doesn’t take a joke, so don’t pooh-pooh your ideas, even to yourself (for example:”I can’t do this, it’s too hard”, “I don’t deserve to get that” etc). Negative talk doesn’t do any good and it only sends the message to yourself and others that you’re not serious about what you want. If you find yourself being a Negative Nelly, pick a different goal that you feel more confident about–a goal that gets you excited will keep you inspired to move towards it.

3. Pay attention to the cues of the universe. It’s amazing what happens when you make up your mind–everything and everyone around you suddenly seems to be in on it with you. When you make up your mind about what you want, you will notice ‘coincidences’ happening and find people who want to help you along the way; go with that flow.

4. Be open. When you are thinking about the things you want to achieve, remember that there are many ways to reach them. Be open to opportunities that you may not have considered before–surprises can often be amazing catalysts. Trust your feelings and your gut; there’s a reason they’re usually right.

5. Let it go. With all that said, it’s a good philosophy to keep a loose grip on things. Remember that spazzy boy that used to chase you in grammar school? You ran away fast from him, right? That’s the needy energy you’re trying to avoid; the tighter hold you try to have on something, the more it will elude you. Set the wheels in motion and trust the process. Don’t try to control everything–control is an illusion and chasing it delays the big picture from coming to life.

Crafting your vision is a work in progress, so go easy and make it fun! Vision boarding can help you get started, or you can make a lunch date with your favorite pal and see what happens…

5 Simple Steps to get what you want from life. {Lunch is optional}Steph2018-03-29T20:23:25-04:00

The secret to connecting with others. {It’s why we’re here}

Your heart and my heart are very, very old friends. -Hafiz

I went to whole foods for lunch the other day and a woman started a conversation with me at the salad bar. It was light and breezy–she wanted to tell me about the amazing hummus I was putting in my salad container. She. was. excited! She knew I was going to love it! Her sweet and genuine nature was refreshing; It was nice to talk to a random stranger in the supermarket and connect on something as simple as hummus.

It’s natural to connect. And it feels good.

So why does it seem like it happens less as we get older? What part of maturing means closing off? The everyday grind can become so isolating even when we have the opportunity to interact with others. Do we get more cautious and standoff-ish as we get older?

Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives. It’s such a basic notion, but we easily forget it. Our ties create an understanding of the bigger picture. We relate to each other through even the slightest commonalities–that’s why we cry at TV commercials (I do, anyway) and we cringe when we see tragic accidents. We can relate. We are connected by common feelings.

Still, connection is a funny thing. We all have a deep desire for those bonds, but actually opening up to make them happen can be challenging because the key to connection is vulnerability.

It’s about putting yourself out there and exposing who you are so others can relate to you. As a general rule, humans mostly seek comfort. So reaching out to others (especially those we don’t know) can be very uncomfortable. It can be scary to go out on that limb but the payoff to showing who you truly are, is worth it.

Because when we don’t connect, after a while, it causes suffering.

No one wants to be alone. We all want to be a part of some kind of tribe; It’s how we’re wired.

Growing up with an outgoing mother and a shy father, I find I can often ping-pong between introvert and extrovert. Some days I’m bashful and don’t make a lot of eye contact; I just want to be in my own world. Other days I’m smiling at everyone and striking up conversations with random strangers (hey there hummus lady!) I’m comfortable with both because I’m honoring my feelings; but I do notice that when I attempt to connect with others (and push myself out the comfort zone), I just feel better. I feel less alone.

Our purpose is mainly to connect with ourselves + as a result, connect with others.

It’s where the joy lies.

How are you connecting today?

The secret to connecting with others. {It’s why we’re here}Steph2018-03-29T20:23:26-04:00

Be Generous. {You have so much brilliance to give!}

Be generous because you can.

Give emotionally, mentally, physically.

Even when you don’t think you can, be the abundant person, the one that has an endless well to give from.

Because you can’t give something you don’t have–so you want more? Give, give, give. Build up your reserves by giving it away.

Life is short and revenge is heavy. Give in.

Show the others the way. Giving is easy. On the giving path, everything old is new and the view is better.

Be generous with your self. People want what you have to give. They’re all around you–waiting for you to show up, to show them the way.

And yes, you can give and still be yourself. In fact, you will be more yourself than ever before. You’ll sleep better. You’ll relax. You’ll connect more with the good stuff.

And don’t you know? It comes back around when you’re not looking.

When you’re giving, you’re open. Open heart, mind, and yes–hands. It allows someone else to give too. Give others the pleasure of giving.

Be generous and give from your heart.

Be Generous. {You have so much brilliance to give!}Steph2018-03-29T20:23:27-04:00

Don’t be a drone. {And I’m not talking airplanes.}

I was getting on the elevator this morning at work and as I was about to glaze over into my own senseless mind chatter, the man next to me started making small talk. He was talking to me in the elevator; Aren’t people usually awkwardly silent in those things?

This gentle man was holding a bouquet of flowers and commenting about how they were blooming so beautifully in his garden, that he wanted to bring some in for his secretary. Seriously? How nice is that, I thought. I was so grateful to him for waking me up in that moment.

I know that the repetitive motions of my daily life make me tune out. The ease of life’s daily tasks can make it simple to go on auto-pilot day in and day out like a drone. But does that mean I am really living?

There are some daily tasks that I know I automatically just tune out of. Driving for one: sometimes I don’t know how I got from one place to the other. You too? Getting ready for work in the morning is another: Shower, do hair, apply makeup, eat breakfast, find keys, pack gym clothes, fly out the door. Lather, rinse, repeat.

What’s scary is that if we live that auto-pilot-repetitive-life, it gets pretty easy to tune out altogether. Just going through the motions, letting only emergencies or surprises break us out of the spell of monotony.

We end up living life mostly in head space rather than interacting with others. The conversations become one sided and we get lost in the solitaire way of viewing things which can be very isolating.

Your life is happening, don’t miss it.

I know it’s not realistic to always! be! present! We would have a mini breakdown experiencing every little detail of everyday, but there is a tipping point in living; what if we woke up even half way?

What if we interrupted the mind chatter, those same thoughts that lead to the same result, and really dug in to what was happening in the moment, even just half of the time. How would that change things?

Here are 3 easy ways to tune in:

Start each day with a list of intentions: how you want to feel + what you want to accomplish
Set an alarm on your phone to go off during the day and take 5 minutes to think about what your doing + where you’re headed.
Meditate. The more you practice, the more you naturally tune in.

Maybe it would put the spotlight on what we are trying to avoid, aspects of our lives that need to change. Afterall, that’s generally why we tune out. And addressing what needs to change can be scary. But what if tackling those things meant a better way of life? What if it made us happier and gave us the opportunity to actually truly enjoy our life?

Don’t be a drone. {And I’m not talking airplanes.}Steph2018-03-29T20:23:28-04:00

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